Saturday, March 14, 20098:00 am - Breakfast! Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
10:00 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Ran around the yard! My favorite thing!
3:30 pm - Kids are home from school! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
4:10 pm - Milk Bones! My favorite thing!
5:15 pm - Dinner! More dog food! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play with my stuffed santa dude! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV on the couch with my people! My favorite thing!
9:30 pm - Sleeping on the bed with Bailey! My favorite thing!
And then what I imagine a cat would say (like Zack):
Day 3,776 of my captivity...
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Jerks. There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
Until next time ...
3 comments:
Oh man, I absolutely loved this! Did you write the cat thing, or find that somewhere? I was busting up laughing the entire time I was reading this.
I can't take credit. I saw it in an email. And just couldn't resist.
That is soooo funny!! Love it!!
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